i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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