Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
