it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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