Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
