Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
