We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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