I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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