i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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