why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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