I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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