i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drake has all the answers
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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