70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
