saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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