The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
worst night to have a conscience
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
