So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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