I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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