dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
