Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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