Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
