Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
