I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
