ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
