I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
