so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
