she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
As shirtless as possible
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
