omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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