I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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