Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
