oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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