I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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