There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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