I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
