he wants to bone in the snuggie
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
