there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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