John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
