My friends, they love my intelligence
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love you. Go after that dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
