ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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