hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
