I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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