He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
