i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
