I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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