Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
