There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
