I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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