No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
