We won't sleep together?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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