you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
