6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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