he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
