you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
