just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
