so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
