HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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