Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
