I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
