Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
