OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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